Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

I had run out of hope.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

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This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

The sadness was still there.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Why do men always bring up “the draft” (the last military draft was in 1972) when abortion rights are being discussed? - are they advocating that women ought to owe our bodies to the government? Should anyone owe their body to the state?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

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Be who you already are.

It’s still here.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

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It’s here now, writing to you.

I was tired of fighting.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

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So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

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But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

You are like me, then.

My grandmother deeded me her house before she passed last year. Her son still lives there refusing to move. What steps should I take to have him removed?

And the sadness?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I was tired of trying and failing.

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What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

What does it mean when someone tells you they love you and want you in their life, but doesn't want to commit?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.